The Power of Rejection-Part 1

I recently had the pleasure of going through a class called the “Re-Telling”. It is all about taking our story/stories and holding them as a gift-examining them as we experienced them…how does it impact us now…and where does the redemption of God reveal itself  in the Retelling. We worked in small groups each week and listened to one another and spoke out hurts/ slights and perceptions out loud. Extremely powerful stuff.

I dreaded going each week, doing the homework etc. I kept asking myself why would I pay and subject myself to a ripping of my heart out just so it can be thrown on the ground and kicked about each week. Each week I would leave the class learning new and powerful things about myself, and ultimately glad I went. It was horribly affirming. Yes-I do mean that exact combo of words.

I became acutely aware the power rejection has had on my life. I wore it like a merit badge. I allowed real and imagined rejection to force me into a position of fear instead of empowerment, and I learned I was indeed a fighter…but more importantly I discovered I was also a protector. A protector of my brothers and my fear protected my children-and it was okay to let go of the things and experiences I failed to protect. Friendships, relationships, my dignity, my pride.

I allowed rejection to form my life’s story. I allowed it to tell the story “I am just not good enough” and it gave me shame and contempt to carry with me-for myself and rightfully so for others.

I was able to see how I could take that pain that sorrowful intense emotional trauma and use it for good. That if I hadn’t felt the fear, hadn’t experienced the rejection and lived it..I couldn’t bless others with empathy. More importantly I could now forgive myself for the road not traveled. I could let go of the coulda, woulda, shouldas.

In the face of this addiction I have journeyed with rejection like it was a lover. I could hide behind it, and use it to keep my heart at a distance-no risk. But nothing gained either. And while it served to protect at times it has cost me dearly. Time to say good bye and give it power no more. The next few posts I will  say good bye to this unwanted lover of my soul.

8 thoughts on “The Power of Rejection-Part 1

    1. Thank you. I am at a loss for words. I was in the midst of trying to talk myself through this next post when your comment came through. It was exactly what I needed to hear as I work through letting go.

  1. Sarah I’m so glad my message helped you. Ivee just posted about finding the book, Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts by Stephanie Carnes.
    In the introduction there is an overview of the book titled ‘Map for Healing’.
    Under Chapter 6 it says; 
    “Make Empowered Choices,  supports you as you recognize your habitual reactions to sex addiction and start making conscious and empowered choices instead. You’ll make a contract with yourself to use positive coping strategies.  You’ll also learn to use writing as a tool for healing and to explore the possibility of forgiveness-not as a favor to your partner but as a gift to yourself.”
    In all my constant searching online for how to accept what the addict has done, for how to come to terms with it, for how to get past it, how, how, how; I have not ever come across anything like this concept.
    Sitting in that coffee shop, using Amazons ‘LOOK INSIDE’ option to look at all the mentions of ‘reaction’ I came to understand that I have been in complete shutdown since the full disclosure. I built a massive wall and retreated behind it. I DECIDED that I could not and would not accept or work with what my husband has done. I believed that my reactions to the horrific disclosure were my truth.
    Now after getting to the point of separation and the reality of breaking the family up, I have realised that to be able to live with myself in the future, I need to/I have to actually engage with the process of my recovery and then decide if I can reconcile with him. (Even though that just thinking about that gives me shiver in horror)
    Maybe my truth will morph into another truth. I have to give it a chance. I have to try. God help me, please.

    1. Oh Jangled, I am proud of you for entering into true recovery and doing it for the right reason-yourself. I say this not lightly and truly with out cruelty. May the journey be painful-so that you may know true peace. May the journey bring you to your knees, so that you may know you are never alone. May the journey show no mercy, so you can know and give grace. God bless you.

      1. Youch! 😂 Thanks, I think… No, I know what you mean. 😉 Please do me a favour and edit out Husbands name in my post. Replace it with ‘Husband’ please.. thank you Sarah x

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